


My True Happiness Looks Like You

by sandean_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon, Castiel Can Hear Longing (Supernatural), Castiel Confesses Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel Has Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), Castiel Makes the First Move (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel is Loved (Supernatural), Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel's Handprint (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester's Soul, Despair, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Week (Supernatural), Dont look at the tags, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Happy Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt No Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Quote: I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. (Supernatural), SPOILERS FOR 15x18, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, True Love, can't believe I can tag that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandean_cas/pseuds/sandean_cas
Summary: And he sees the toll it’s taking on Dean. The way his mind struggles to accept that this is what’s happening. Castiel notes the way his throat works, trying to force something out only to draw a blank. But Castiel doesn’t need words. He can see Dean’s response clearly in his eyes... in the soul that he pieced together; slowly falling more and more in love with it as time moved on. He sees the turmoil in Dean’s soul, the rage but he knows the love and kindness that’s in there too. It’s not the first time he wishes he could show Dean his soul, how beautiful it is. Maybe then his friend would finally see himself as Castiel does. Beautiful. Wonderful. Loved.At last, he’s figured out what his true happiness looks like… Castiel’s happiness looks like Dean. It’s always been him. But the angel had been too close to see the entire picture… that his feelings for Dean could be so… well, profound. And while Castiel can never have Dean’s love returned - not in the way he would like. That’s okay. It’s enough for him to say it. To say the words after these long years. To have Dean hear it....I think we've all forgotten that Castiel can see Dean's very soul. Let's rectify that.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 93





	My True Happiness Looks Like You

**Author's Note:**

> LOOK OUT! SPOILERS FOR 15X18 DEAD AHEAD

Castiel smiles sadly as he looks at Dean. The sounds of Billie’s pounding grows louder.

“Because the one thing I want… it’s something I know I can’t have.”

His Righteous Man. The one he raised from the pit and the one who raised him from servitude. He’d give anything for Dean and now that he has the chance he’s more than willing. It’s the best outcome of his deal if he’s being honest. At least this way he knows it means something. At least this way _Dean_ can finally know just how much he means to him.

And he sees the toll it’s taking on Dean. The way his mind struggles to accept that this is what’s happening. That there’s no changing things. No coming back this time. Castiel notes the way his throat works, trying to force something out only to come up blank. But Castiel doesn’t need words. He can see Dean’s response clearly in Dean’s eyes.

In the soul that he pieced together, slowly falling more and more in love with it as time moved on. He sees the turmoil in Dean’s soul, the rage but he _knows_ the love and kindness that’s in there too. It’s not the first time he wishes he could show Dean his soul, how beautiful it is. Maybe then his friend would finally see himself as Castiel does. Beautiful. Wonderful. Cherished. Loved.

At last, he’s figured out what his true happiness looks like… and why he couldn’t figure it out before. Castiel’s happiness looks like Dean. It’s always been him. But the angel had been too close to see the entire picture… that his feelings for Dean could be so… well, profound. And while Castiel can never _have_ Dean’s love returned - not in the way he would like. That’s okay. It’s enough for him to say it. To say the words after these long years. To have Dean _hear_ it.

He wishes he could give Dean the time he deserves to process this. But it’s now or never.

“I love you.” His voice cracks and a new sheen of wetness covers his eyes. Without the pressing weight of those words on his chest he almost thinks he could fly again.

Because Dean _had_ changed him, made him into his own person, someone he could be proud of. Loving Dean is everything. And now he knows it too.

Dean’s soul flares in reaction, though his lips remain sealed except for a single plea. “Don’t do this Cass.” Punctuated by a harsh knock against the door, remind him that yes, he _needs_ to do this. To save Dean.

Castiel is happy. Truly happy, for the first time in his life. Just putting it into words was enough. Castiel can see Dean’s soul. His beautiful soul and how it reacts to his words, how it accepts them, thrives on them… reciprocates them.

Their story is about to end, but at least Dean knows that he isn’t what he thinks he is… he’s so much more. And he _knows_ just how much he’s loved and in return Castiel knows how much Dean loves him. It’s just as bright and alluring as it’s always been.

It’s the last memory he’ll take with him into the Empty.

“Good bye, Dean.” 

He will die. But Dean will survive and through him, Castiel will carry on.

**Author's Note:**

> Well if you've reached the end I'm going to assume you've watched the epi. I'm very interested in what you guys thought!
> 
> SPOILER:
> 
> Personally I liked it... on the condition that they're bringing Cass back so that Dean can finally say something. It made sense for him to not talk because he was clearly overwhelmed about learning about the deal and that his best friend loves him in a very non-brotherly way. (That can't even be misinterpreted as brotherly because of the 'only thing I want I know I can't have' line). I almost died during this so be thankful I'm still alive and writing this haha.


End file.
